


The Great Dragon Detective

by misura



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 12:32:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Next time Gandalf offered to set him up with a nice job and a new apartment, Bilbo decided, he'd thank the wizard politely and then quickly walk the other way.</i> (Sherlock fusion-ish)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Dragon Detective

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mm8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mm8/gifts).



Next time Gandalf offered to set him up with a nice job and a new apartment, Bilbo decided, he'd thank the wizard politely and then quickly walk the other way.

Very quickly. Before some (admittedly very good-looking) detective constable took him to a basement filled with more treasure than he'd ever seen before - even in those scrolls he'd enjoyed as a young Hobbit, about people going off and having themselves an adventure.

Bilbo had nothing against looking at a bit of treasure, obviously - a nice enough thing, treasure, if you could get it, but it tended to come with some severely dangerous and unpleasant people attached to it.

As seemed to be very much the case here.

"Ah," the dragon said. "Case bearer."

"Worm," DC Oakenshield said, which did not quite seem the right way to go about addressing a huge, enormous monster with huge, enormous teeth and claws and the like.

"Insult offerer." The dragon looked at Bilbo. Bilbo tried not to stare back. "What is this? It smells ... interesting." 'Interesting', Bilbo decided, was an adjective he could live with. "Tasty."

"Well now," Bilbo said.

"You said you wanted a cellphone," Oakenshield said.

"So I did," the dragon said, its eyes still on Bilbo. "This is not a cellphone."

"Now, don't go acting all difficult on me," Oakenshield said. "He's got one, doesn't he? A cellphone. Needs a place to stay, too."

"I - " Bilbo cleared his throat. "I do. Have a cellphone, that is. You uh want it?"

The dragon snorted, which Bilbo felt to be a bit rude.

"It was a gift from my sister, you see. Very hip. Very modern, my sister is. Takes pictures and everything. The phone, that is - not my sister. Obviously."

"Obviously," the dragon said. "Yes. This may do very nicely."

"Got you a new laptop, too," Oakenshield said. "Do try not to fry this one, will you? Those things don't grow on trees. They're bloody expensive."

The dragon snorted again.

"Good. Well, that's that, then. I'll leave the two of you to get properly acquainted, shall I?"

Bilbo opened his mouth. Estimated the distance to the stairs and the time it would take him to get there, running at full speed.

Shut his mouth again.

"Oh, don't worry," Oakenshield said. "Hardly as if he's going to eat you, is it? He's not that senile."

"Lightly singed, perhaps," the dragon said. "No harm done."

"Ha," Bilbo said. Oakenshield and the dragon gave him near-identical looks, which was ... a little disconcerting. "I'm sorry, that was a joke. Wasn't it?"

"Of course," the dragon said. "Cellphone bearer."

"Just - " Oakenshield started, then seemed to change his mind and shook his head. "Never mind. I'm sure everything will work out fine. Let me know when you've got something on the case, will you?"

"Case?" Bilbo asked. "What case?"


End file.
